What's so bad about being selfish?

I almost gave my plans to run the middle finger today. The makings were all there for a "I'll just go tomorrow" moment: it was 40-something degrees and windy, I left work a little later than I had planned, I was extremely hungry after a disappointing "Smart One" frozen meal at lunch, and my husband had a headache and needed reprieve from a 2-year-old.

But without over analyzing the situation (which would have certainly led to me directing the car home), I just went. I could deal with the cold, the wind and the late start. And thankfully my husband agreed to stick it out an hour longer (thank you, honey). And I'm glad I did.

What I realized tonight is that during this process, I need to work on something that's contrary to who I've been: I need to sometimes put myself first. Had I not gone for that run tonight, I may have spent the better part of tonight feeling regretful, resentful and blameful. Instead, I think I was better able to care for my family in good spirits and energy when I got home (albeit a bit stinky).

As for the run itself ... it was hard and it sucked. No surprises there. At least I was able to make it a 1/4 mile before the pain started this time around. I'll take any sign of improvement I can get.

Gotta run!

A One-Way Ticket to Ouchytown

The goal of today was pretty simple: run 1 mile without stopping. Feeling both nostalgic and excited about moving forward, I chose a path downtown that I used to run during my last stint as a Chattanooga resident.

Starting out at the Bluff View Art District, I started jogging down the Riverwalk. Actually, "jogging" may not be the right word. "Agonizingly traversing" is more like it. I felt pretty good for, well, the first minute. After that my legs turned to lead, my lungs were pleading for air, and I was unbearably mad at letting myself get this out of shape. One mile used to be a warm-up for me in the pre-"I-don't-give-a-crap days"!

But I pressed on ... slowly. I'm pretty sure I saw an elderly woman in a walker pass me at one point. And with about a tenth of a mile left, I was ready to throw in the towel. It was then that an obviously well-trained runner blew by me. The back of his shirt said "Believe". I'm not making this s*it up. It really did. And I did. I finished the mile and continued running half-way back.

Tonight I'm sitting here with achy legs, sore feet, mild chafing, and a raw throat from gasping for air — and I gotta say I feel pretty damn good.

Gotta run!

You're right, I'm NOT built like a runner

I had a flashback this morning to a hot, Chattanooga day in May of 2000. I had just finished a tough 18-mile run in preparation for the San Diego marathon I was running the following month. I went to my parent's house for lunch feeling sore, dehydrated and tired. My dad looked at me and said, "I don't know why you're doing this to yourself, you're not built like a runner so you shouldn't be running marathons."

It was right then when the thought popped into my head, "Listen here (explicative), fat girls can run, too!"

Back then, my goal was to run a marathon by the time I was 30. And even though I wasn't "built like a runner", I still finished. Not only that, I was on top of the world. In the year-long process to get ready, I had quit smoking, trained hard, lost weight, and never felt better. Two years later, I ran my 2nd marathon in Chicago.

Flash forward to the morning of March 8, 2010 ... one husband, one child, two mortgages, one new job, one move to a new state, countless beers, and a whole lotta stress later ... I'm standing on the scale and hyperventilating at the number. 207. 207? How in the hell did I get to be 207 pounds? That can't be right. Step off. Step on again. This time is says 208. Great. (and, yes, I just revealed my weight to anyone who's reading this. I'm hoping it will be therapeutic.)

After a short pity party and impatient snap at the husband, I decided to take matters back into my fat girl hands. Girl Power is now Fat Girl Power!

I'm pulling up my oversized running shorts and hitting the pavement. First stop, a 5K run on April 17th (which might be more like a 5K crawl). Beyond that ... we'll see!

The big goal, another marathon by the time I'm 40.

Gotta run!